I have found that ambition and hope propel me forward in almost all situations. My ambition drives me to reach my fullest potential. My hope fuels that drive because I dare to believe the goal is possible and within my reach. Ambition and hope have brought me to a significant cross roads in my life. It is heavily impressed upon me that I must stop, ponder, and then choose how to proceed; forward, or to the left or right and create a new “forward”.
I am struggling with the decision. Back and forth, my mind weighs possibilities, my heart stretches and compresses with emotion, and my understanding of faith and God’s will is taxed. Information is sought, examined, weighed, and usually found wanting. It is a decision of faith that I must make. Is there enough information that can be gathered to make a decision like that? Faith is “hope in things unseen.” Maybe it can be done. At least in a calculated manner. I don’t know.
I admit that I find great inner-value in this struggle. It is through this type struggle that I receive insight into who I am and who I am meant to be in Christ. I am forced to ask myself the questions, “What do I really believe about ministry among God’s people? What do I believe about God’s will for my life and the community in which it exists? What or whom motivates me to strive, achieve, serve? What is my ambition and what would satisfy it?”.
So the praying, seeking, and weighing continues.